Leading

I came to a realisation that leading is not easy. Not at all.

As a leader, I see the different kinds of people that I have to facilitate to. My cadets in another words. Each and every one of them are unique and different. And yet me, has to facilitate to the different different people. One has to cater to many. Can someone pls show me one style that is suitable for all my people. Sometimes while searching for the style, it gets very tiring and laxing. I do feel demoralised. And I do get lost. I do get upsetted by stupid little blunders I made. Sometimes I feel like giving up but I want to give up no more!! I have given up enough things already and I know I can't give up. It's still the passion in me that keeps me going. Right now, yes I'm lost. I hate the feeling. It's like all of a sudden, I just lost the sense of direction. I feel the struggle in my heart and the strangle on my neck.

Can I be cool?

Can I be less blur?

Can I be less forgetful?

I was comforting myself. Counselling myself. I shared with ulluha. There are some X-factors about our CIs-Farid and Firdaus that we should learn. But it's just not my style. As a matter of fact, I cannot be like them. I thought a lot. A lot a lot a lot. How to present myself? How to not bore my cadets? Am I nagging too much? From the very start, I wanted to be an inspired and inspiring CI. I want to inspire my cadets to let them see themselves as a better leader. npcc. A simple cca yet holds so much values to uphold. Someone, show me some light.

I'm lost. Right now.