it's a depressing post.

It must be the weather. It's making me think a lot.

Even if that didn't happen, everything will still turn out the same way. Because of my environment, because of the situation I've been living in, eventually even if that didn't happen, I'll still be facing the same thing. Life ahead is getting tougher. Although I believe that a tougher road is always a better road, as a human after all, I can't help but to make comparisons. Although I'm still proud of my decision, I can't help but to think that it could have been better. Although I don't have the power to change anything, I can't help but think of the "if onlys".

I'll really miss talking to zy on the phone late at night in those days. He made me trashed out all my unhappiness at the end of almost each days. Happy or sad, I'll always feel happy after talking to him. I'll really miss all the night runnings and night chattings in the same old playground; playing catching and some key-throwing games. I'm really missing those good old days.

I'll really miss the round table. And the girls sitting around the round tables. Although there were times when we ran out of topics, when we just stared into space, or on the contrary, we laughed at the funniest or lamest jokes, we were always together. I'm really missing those good old days.

I'll never gonna know another zy again. I'll never get the chance to know another bunch of friends like them again. I know I must survive that 3.5 years alone. I know I can survive. And eventually get myself to Perth. But the process is hard. Harder than I could imagine. Sitting in lectures or labs with adults who probably do not share a common topic as me. Do they accept craps and lame jokes?

As my tuition schedule gets tighter, I can't help but to feel lonely. Having to run around house to house, taking buses alone, plugging into my mp3- makes me feel lonely. Daily smses from a good old friend do keep my sanity there. But how about adding on the tight tuition schedule with a school schedule? Schooling at night will never be easy. I'm not a tough person to begin with. I know I must endure, and take whatever that comes to me. But I'm just a human after all. A normal human who lives in a comfortable society and been receiving the so-called prefered education pathway.

These intimidating thoughts often trigger the tear glands. I know I have to be strong, but still..
I know that eventually if I've attained my target, I might be the happiest person on Earth. It's the process. The process..

It must be the weather. I need the sun to motivate me.